Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
