who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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