Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
