We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have fence marks all over my body
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
