you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
