don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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