walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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