You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
