if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
