oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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