I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
