You just made me feel so damn special
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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