I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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