You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize