i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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