Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
