So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
