Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
