there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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