return my video game
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
