That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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