man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
