Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
