My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
