dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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