Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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