I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
