I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
