Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
