Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
