I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
