just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
