I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
