I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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