Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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