wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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