So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
