I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
