After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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