i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need moral support for this bender
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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