one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
