Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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