it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
