so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My feet surprised me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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