Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
