Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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