Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
