I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
