Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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