Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
