I puked a lego.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
