You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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