Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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