You made me cry and you don't even care
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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