never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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