One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
