we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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