Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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