dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
