i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And then he peed in my hair
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