we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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