Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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