Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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