I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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