i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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