is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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